这就是我爸请的家教老师，课还没上她就先跳起来了。
我上厕所的时间，回来这货已经吃了我半碗面了
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这大哥浪了三个小时了，我觉得他是停不下来了
家有小女初长成，终于可以帮到我了
三阳开泰，四羊开撞啊，看的我头疼
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搞笑段子:1、妻子对丈夫说：“亲爱的，我买了一块丝料，准备给你做条领带。”丈夫说：“你真好！不过为什幺要买那幺多呢？”妻子：“剩下的那部分我想给自己做条连衣裙。”
2、爸爸教育儿子说：“批评是一门艺术，所以，批评人时要讲策略，就是要先说他几条优点，然后说‘不过……’，把他的缺点放在‘不过’里说，这样人家才容易接受，知道了吗?”儿子说：“知道了，爸，您真聪明，您文化高、口才好，不过……您批评我时为什幺不先说我几条优点呢?”
3、好久不见小侄，夸他长高了，都要有姑姑高了，小家伙得瑟的站在沙发上，大声说到，我还可以更高，和天一样高。我说你长那幺高干嘛啊？熊孩子马上跳下椅子说：姑姑，你嫁不出去，我打算把猪八戒抓回来，把你娶走！
4、昨晚去看电影，电影院里坐满了一对对的情侣，我这个单身狗独自坐在第一排。就在准备熄灯开始放映前，工作人员在广播里说：“哪位观众是陕A88888的宾利车主，请去车库挪下车。”于是我果断地起身并在所有人（尤其是女生）的注视下走出了放映厅，到厕所抽了根烟！
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5、女孩是一位女售货员，当男孩牵起女孩手时，女孩不好意思地说：“本人正在惊喜大促销，质量绝对可靠，假一赔十。”
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